Bridesmaid Etiquette
Essential tips for bridesmaids to ensure smooth runnings from engagement to wedding day.
Your role
It's an honour to be asked to be part of someone's inner wedding circle. And much more than just donning a dress and escorting the bride down the aisle. Even the calmest of souls can spin into panic planning a wedding, so it's your job to be available, supportive and make her feel like a big deal. Be on time for appointments, offer guidance when needed and happily commit to last-minute errands. In return a bride should be reasonable about their expectations of their hens. Being part of the bridal party doesn't translate into being someone's personal assistant or on-call psychologist.
Who pays for what
Each bride's expectations are different from the next. Avoid resentment and a potentially awkward confrontation by chatting early on about what will be required. A bride shouldn't automatically expect her maids to pay for everything, and bridesmaids should accept their role knowing that they will be required to shell out for certain things, both on and leading up to the big day.
Possibly the most debated issue revolves around the dresses. We suggest maids keep in mind this general rule to navigate such perilous waters: if the bride is choosing, the bride is paying. This means that if she is obsessed with having a certain style dress for you all to wear, and prefers a slick matching line up, then it is fair to assume that she will foot the bill. In this situation, even if you hate the dress, smile and roll with it. It's her day.
If you are lucky enough to be given a colour scheme and then asked to choose your own frock, then paying half or even all of the cost is reasonable.
Hens celebrations
When planning hen festivities, consider the bride's preferences and ask her for some direction before making any plans. If she would love a chill sojourn at the beach with her best friends don't be too quick to disregard her wishes in the name of greased up strippers, plastic penis straws and feather boas. You might be the wild, reckless one but she may not appreciate a cocktail-addled night of cliche.
Make sure the bride looks over the guest list before beginning email chains with guests. Those who attend will help to inform the type of event you plan; whether its a holistic weekend getaway with best friends, or a hotel takeover, having dinner planned nearby at her favourite restaurant followed by a grown up slumber party.
If you are paralyzed with the thought of 'organising fun', look to celebrity weddings for a bit of light hearted inspiration. Kate Moss booked three pink hummers to transport her and thirty hens to see Kings of Leon in concert at Isle of Wight festival. They partied all night long and were transported around the festival on golf buggies. It may not be within the normal wedding budget, but celebrations such as these will serve to get the creative juices flowing.
Thoughtful gestures
Even a zen bride will have her moments. A seasoned hen knows that the whole affair can be trying at times, juggling personalities, freak occurrences and complicated family relations. You can help ease the strain in a multitude of ways: tackle tricky conversations on behalf of her so she can relax, come up with alternative choices if a supplier cancels last minute or keep tabs on what the photographer is documenting so all of their special moments are captured. A day and night will go by in a blur, so it's your job to help her and the groom make the most of it.
On the day, bring along the things you think she may forget; bottles of sparkling water, band aids, safety pins, key make up and tissues to hand over before speech time. The best bridesmaids tend to foresee any potential disasters before they eventuate and go above and beyond. She'll thank you later for those much needed make up touch ups (important for balmy summer weddings when forehead sheen is a given), and will appreciate the foresight when you pass over water for some much needed hydration. Key tip: bring along a Polaroid camera to document dressing room antics.