your ceremony
When it comes to planning a wedding it can be easy to get caught up in how it looks but what's really important is the magic that's created during the ceremony. While many might feel uncomfortable in front of a crowd (even if it is their friends and family) it's key to give the ceremony the importance and attention it deserves. Make it a really authentic experience and one to remember always. To do this you need to make it relevant to you and your partner and this will be unique for every couple.
The glue for every ceremony is the celebrant. This is the person you choose who will guide the occasion how you wish. Do you want it to be light hearted and funny? Or perhaps you have some significant moments you'd like to include. The depth to your ceremony is as deep as you wish and finding the right person to be in the driving seat will make all the difference.
Before committing to a celebrant meet with them, have a chat and see if you've got a connection. A bit like an interview, you can ask the celebrant about their background and how they became one. It's usually pretty easy to tell if it's going to work.
"If they are happy with me within the first half hour of chatting they usually agree straight away and say yes we would like you to marry us," explains celebrant Ginetta Mager. "I give them a relationship questionnaire which I have created, they take this away with them and complete it as soon as they can and return back to me and I get to know them much better and I start preparing their ceremony."
Ginetta encourages her couples to write their own vows and helps guide them with thought provoking questions. "I ask them to begin by talking about something you love about your partner, or something they have contributed to their lives. This is a great spot to include an anecdote or story that brings this moment to life. For example at my own wedding my husband talked about the day he met me, and how that was the day that his whole life changed.
"Next include some promises, ones that you will look to guide your marriage. These can be serious: I promise to stand by your side, and bring out the best in you, or a little sillier: I promise to laugh at your jokes, and include one of his or her jokes here.
In fact its great to have a little serious and balance with a little humour as well. And finally now lets look at the future, what do you look forward to sharing in your marriage? What are your goals, your aspirations, the qualities you want to embody as a couple?"
Ginetta is finding that more and more couples are writing their vows with some taking only a few minutes and others longer - "I had one couple early this year that were so in love with each other that they both spoke for around eight minutes each."
There is a structure for ceremonies and under New Zealand law it is imperative to state the Declaration vows, but you can also incorporate a reading or other special rituals as well. "I have done a mother's rose ceremony, the lighting of a unity candle, a wine ceremony and also a sand ceremony where the couples combine sand from individual containers into one symbolising their life-long commitment and joining of their two lives."
You can take your time and have a ceremony as long as you wish.
"Equally I have had other couples who have said that they just want the ceremony to take ten minutes so they can get on with the party with their friends and family."
The best thing about your day is it can be anything you want it to be. Take the time to really sit and discuss how you'd like to flow and then make it a truly unique experience you'll cherish for years to come.
Ginetta Mager is available here: https://www.facebook.com/ginettamarriagecelebrant/